I woke up to a hassle in my house. Everyone in a run from here to there, almost like knights preparing for battle. Au contraire, they were preparing for my alliance with the Dauphin of France. An alliance between Austria and France will help the world move towards a better future, or so my mother says. Until I could think of anything else, my mother and the head maid came and swayed me away for a god knows how long bath.
Full of enthusiasm and lacking breath, I stepped on the coach. I looked back, I saw my childhood home, its golden paint shimmering because of the bright afternoon sun. I was leaving forever today, and the house looked especially petite for some very unreasonable reason. Not being able to make anything out of the situation, I promptly sat inside the coach looking at my house from the window until it disappeared, even from my peripheral vision.
Several stops, several regions, several people, and more than a thousand sunsets later I finally reached France where I was instantly deprived of everything Austrian.
I first met Louis and he seemed somewhat……shy. Very different from the current monarch of France. 
I think people here misconceive us Austrians as barbarians or something but I think it’s barbarous of them to generalise this caricature upon us. They were taken aback by the fact that I was a beauty. 
The wedding day arrived. I walked down the aisle and saw the king, Louis XV, who seemed complacent and gave somewhat of a sardonic vibe, maybe just happy about the wedding he longed for.
Nevertheless, the vows were recited and we were led to the dance room for a waltz to which Louis was stiff like he was compelled to dance. After the dance, we were off to bed which was for some reason done in front of a mob. To my horror, nothing happened. Louis just…slept and he seemed very nervous again. The court was in an uproar. Everyone around told me to entice the king and make an heir with him which was tiring.
I saw Madame du Barry, mistress of the king, sneaking glances at me from across the table and she was so persistent at it that it compelled me to retire to my chambers at once. My mother painstakingly pointed out to me to get acquainted with her to get on the good side of the king and tighten and secure the alliance. When I asked one of my attendees why I must talk to that woman, she replied in a docile yet agitated voice, “Parce que madame, vous êtes la Dauphine de France (because ma’am, you’re the Dauphine of France)”. I realised then and there that I wasn’t the Austrian archduchess I was anymore but the Dauphine of France.

The last straw. With no heir in sight, everyone is questioning my existence, my fertility, my chastity, and my dignity. It’s been so long since our marriage but Louis still refuses me in bed. “You need to consummate the marriage” is ringing in my ears like bells ringing at a foggy harbour. I can hear it but I can’t seem to know where the voice is coming from. I can’t take the duress anymore. 

I shouldn’t have refused fun like this. Gambling seemed like a bad habit but it isn’t when you win. The designers in France are top-notch. I can’t help but not refuse their dresses. Parties take away your pain and despair.

His Majesty, Louis XV left us the burden of monarchy and ascended to heaven….or hell. Louis and I feel like we are on a precipice with the subjects pleading. I can’t believe I am to be coronated Queen of France. Louis is all over the place. Madame du Barry seemed nonchalant but that was expected, the only grieving she did must’ve been about the position she held in court. Madame de Polignac tried everything to get my mind off matters of court but she knew that it was inevitable to be stressed and left me alone. 
You could see the coronation being majestic and feel it being chaotic. France is in great debt, the subjects are revolting and Louis is in no state of ruling it from these ruins. May the lord have mercy. 

I heard about a large mob revolting around Bastille…..I am sure Louis will take care of it. Count Ferson left court and it has left me unimaginably lonely as Louis is too busy with the court matters.
Everyone lectures me but there was one thing that mother wrote in one of her letters that struck me, “Alcohol and gambling won’t give you a child”. I felt like she saw right through me.

Louis embraced me, finally. At last, he must’ve realised that he can’t live on without an heir. I must say even if god were to give me another chance to marry, I wouldn’t ask for someone else because, in this whole world, there isn’t one man as comfortable being in a marriage as Louis.
Childbirth is extremely painful especially when you’re in front of a mob in a packed bedroom. I swear, one thing that I hate about France is how obsessed they are with the court to see everything. It is a girl. People are disappointed with me but I don’t mind it at all. After all, what more can you ask when you have a little version of yourself? I named her Marie Thérèse, after my mother. It seems I must get out of this abrupt life to raise my children in solitary but the wounds of my extravagant spendings has left the nation disdainful of me. They have given me a nickname: “Madame Déficit”.

Since the birth of Louis, I have stopped gambling and started to focus on the upbringing of my children but the revolutionaries see me as a person of no understanding of the ordeals of my subjects. Taking an old quote from Rousseau’s writings, “Let them eat cake” which he actually wrote to describe aristocrats, taking it and spreading rumours that I said it is just preposterous and abhorrent. Why would I say that? What am I? A dumb doll? Maybe to them, I am.
I now like spending time in gardens and promenading with my ladies-in-waiting. Reading philosophy and watching opera is a great way of understanding life as well. I went to an orphanage the other day, it was badly kept. I will ask Louis for some funds for the children. I don’t understand why people leave their children. 
I am worried about Louis, my child. His fevers have increased significantly.
Louis died of tuberculosis. My child, my love suffered till death. Why does god test me all the time? 
The revolutionaries are revolting more vehemently than ever now. Polignac had to flee. Maybe even Louis and I will have to flee France. It’s not safe anymore. The Radicals are frigid on killing the king. Louis and I had to flee. We dressed as servants and then tried to flee to Austria but in Vareness someone stopped us from moving forward. Our hearts sank, they had recognised us. 

They brought us to a very dark and quiet place. It’s suffocating. Louis’s health is degrading over time. I looked at him and a certain tension built up in me. I feel the end is near. All my hair has gone white. These people are accusing me that I am not a good mother, they are turning my poor child against me. 
The guards came and took Louis away. No, they can’t do this to him. He is the king. I heard the guns fire, it echoed on the plains of Paris. Louis is dead. They killed him.

No, it wasn’t my child that testified. They are accusing me of abusing my child. Those monsters, what did I ever do to them?
“NO, LEAVE ME BE”, they’re taking me away. 
I must’ve been a bad Queen. The people have lost trust. I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve helped Louis. I shouldn’t have tried to run away. I should’ve run away with Count Ferson. I shouldn’t have agreed to marry in the first place. Mother was right, I wasn’t fit for this role. I was weak, I couldn’t take it.
Oh, I stepped on his shoes, “Pardonnez-moi, monsieur. Je ne l’ai pas fait exprès (Pardon me, sir, I did not do it on purpose)”
The people are screaming. Suddenly, a picture of my old Austrian home comes to my mind. Its golden paint’s shine due to the sun is blurring the window. In the window, a lady is sitting. Oh, it’s my mother. I hope I’ll meet her in heaven…..or hell? But now I must go, The Gullotine’s Blade is waiting for me, like it did for Louis. It looks especially grande, for some unreasonable reason.
Who am I? I am Marie Antoinette.